some thoughts on love
people fall in love for various reasons. mainly and hopefully they fall in love without being able to define those reasons for love defies logic.
so then let’s say that people fall in love because they follow their hearts and their hearts pick partners. then you get environmental and societal expectations that may begin to layer over this love. how a man should act and how a woman should act. what are the religious expectations like. what do the parents expect from each side.
then you add the personal layers, from past lovers to life experiences.
when people get into the relationship following their hearts and then they begin to add these layers, such as, well, he should act this way because this way is better or she will change someday and things will get better, love’s life expectancy maybe compromised.
it’s true that love brings out the best in each person. that having someone in your life who makes you wanna be your best, and who is there to cheer you on is a blessing.
it’s also true that love requires work. that as long as both parties are honest and they are willing to work through challenges, love can survive, whether it be external, unexpected curves life throws at them or the undoings of their own social, environmental and personal layers.
in my personal experiences with love, silent expectations are worse than the voiced ones. because with the silent expectations, one day you may wake up finding yourself fallen out of love. whereas with the voiced ones, the people have a chance to work things out since latter works with open communication.
same thing with resentment. if a person doesn’t express himself when he feels wrong about something, then those quiet little nuances become resentment towards their partner. voicing how things make you feel falls into the category of open communication.
if people don’t talk about their expectations and how they truly feel then they are sure to eventually fall out of love because then by the time they get to the talking part, most of those repressed feelings and thoughts will have become unrecognizable. this doesn’t mean that the relationship is bound to fail. it just becomes harder to simplify the issues and bring clarity in the relationship.
nobody likes arguments and confrontation. there are many ways of communication to bring forth a point. what works for one may not work for the other. and there may be an adjustment period to meet in the middle. for instance, one may prefer indirect means such as letters and demonstrations when he has done something wrong whereas another person may just prefer cold, hard truth on the spot. this doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. little differences are ceased to exist even in the most humblest relationships. the key is to find ways to meet in the middle and have the patience to get there.
if someone complains a lot, it doesn’t mean that they don’t accept you for who you are, but they are simply expressing how something is making them feel. because if someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, or is accepting only parts of you and not the whole, they are either gonna lie and say they love the whole you or they are gonna stay silent and then expect you to change while resenting you later.
if someone wants the best for you and wants to help you out and help you become the better version of yourself, they may be misunderstood as controlling and manipulating and expecting. but on the contrary, someone who is those things will be more subtle. in this context, if someone feels too pushed or rushed, all they have to do is let the other party know instead of assuming that that person cannot be trusted.
if people argue and fight, it doesn’t mean that they will love each other less once the battle ceases. it also doesn’t mean that things will stay the same. people change. life happens. experiences add to the mix. however if two people are truly in love and they both want the relationship to work. no matter how things may change, they will flow through with it.
what is love? is it a certain pattern that one becomes accustomed to? is it a certain feel that one feeds upon? in my opinion, love is everything by choosing to focus on the positive while working through the negative, working that of which can be worked and accepting that of which cannot be worked.
and if acceptance cannot be reached, fi something goes against your beliefs and you feel within your heart that you simply cannot live like this, then through open communication and with grace, you both go separate ways.
